Hello...is this God?

Every so often I am given the glorious opportunity to speak to some of God's dumbest creations. It simply boggles my mind that some of the people I get to converse with at my work, don't have the slightest idea on the correct manner to speak with someone over the phone, and how to approach a situation appropriatly. THEN they assume because I work somewhere, I can do Deity skills as in parting the Great Salt Lake. For instance, I had this "polite" and I use that term loosly, women call in because she had left her card in the ATM...in St. George. She wanted to know why in the world her card was gone, and demanded that I(yes she singled me out....not just someone, but she wanted me) drive down to St. George and with my Godlike abilities, unlock the secure ATM and retrieve her card. "Okay, I will do that!", was instantly what I said to her..."just a sec, let me grab some floo powder, I will be there in a matter of minutes." I mean COME ON!!! Then when I tell her she has to wait until Monday, she freaks out like she won't survive the weekend with out her plastic lifeline....has anyone ever hear of these green paper pieces called bills. I mean all you have to do is pay what ever you decide to spend your money on, with dollarbills. Is that unheard of or what? Don't blow up at me if there is a simple solution and you are just to bull headed to actually think for yourself. Hey it actually might do you some good to think, you m ay get something accomplished...ever think of that???? Didn't think so, that's why I thought of it for you.

--Sarah

A "General" Epidemic

Hola,

Our bodies are remakable machines. Every second of every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month of every year...until you die, the body does amazing things! One of the best things it does for us is protect us from diseases. The thymus gland is one of the organs participated in this complex process called "phagocytosis." Unfortunatley, as we age the thymus gland decreases in mass. This sudden decrease limits the potential of millions of powerful t-cells to muture. Without the population of many t-cells, diseases and other malevolent entities can uphold residence within our bodies. Thus, cancer may form, we could catch influenza, multiple sclerosis, cystic fibrosis, palsy, or the ever silent but deadly gonoherpasyphilaids! I believe however i have found the source of this dramatic down size in thymus glands. The answer lies in breakfast. Every morning millions Americans wake up and contemplate what to dine on for breakfast. Thier mind often turns to a box full of sin! Cereal is culprit. "General Mills" produces millions of artifically flavored, puffed corn kernals, that get stuck in the fossas of our teeth. Once these minature health killers are masticated and digested they begin to reak their havoc. Once the "puffed corn has been chewed it turns into a substance of grotesque features, it secreates enzymes into the blood stream. These enzymes then attach themselves to the antibodies located on immature t-cells. Then once the t-cells reach the thymus the cereal bits begin necroting thymus tissue. Eventually we get sick and die. So i implore you my friends, stop this utter madness! Rebel against general mills and thier horrific products. I have quit eating cereal and my health is better than ever before. Make yourself a delicious pancake or smoothie for breakfast, instead of going the american way and eating a bowl of "satan's food." Fight for your health and join my rebellion!!!

Thanks!

Max

Money + Age = Orange Skin

So I had the fantastic opportunity to depart from work sixty minutes early today. It twas around three oclock when the text arrived, Kelsey had the ticket...yes the tickets that would save me from an hour a torture. Row Seven tickets to the ever prevailing Utah Jazz game. We had jerseys, plastic noise makers and screaming voices. We were set. The thing was though, with row seven seats, we were bound to be sitting next to some "high and mighty" people. Well in fact we were...sort of.

The girl sitting infront of me had a beer in one hand and her phone in the other...she had a shrilly voice and by the end of the night was tipsy turvy. It was then I discoverd one of my new favorite hobbies is to watch people. They are so strange and dumb. I then briskly glanced around 180 degress for any other sapian that could catch my eye. There was a young couple a few rows in front of me. I don't think the girl ate...ever...There I was suffering through hunger pains, just about ready to drop dead right on the gum coated floor, and this girl was being bruised because her clothes were to heavy for her to handle.

Now comes the reason for my decadant title...the caucasion carrot. The owner of Morgan Jewlers was sitting just accross the way from me with his spouse accompaning him to his right. The rock on her fragile finger was about the size of those marbles you use to play...well marbles with...you know what I am talking about. The BIG one. Anyway, she was drenched in frosting...just in case you are lost, frosting is the term used in How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days that describes beautiful diamonds and further more....jewlery. As a fifty five year old women, she should be aging accordingly with wrinkly skin, and a frost tinted skin tone...yet she was orange...yes orange. I am pretty sure that either she put WAY to much fake tan lotion on, or someone played a dirty trick on her and placed orange jello mix in her shower that morning....or is a cronic carrot eater. That along with her Botox injected face, she was....how should I phrase it...UGLY.

She needed to come to closure on the fact that just because she has money, she can't buy her youth. Happiness doesn't come with how young you attempt to appear, this often is paradoxial because she looked WAY to old to even be at a Jazz game. Anyway the point is, don't spend your money on age decreasing agents because it will only turn for the worst... I mean who wants the Umpa-Loompa appearance anyway???

--Sarah

Houston...When will the eagle land?

Howdy,

Once a young boy has completed the rigerous fifth grade, he embarks on a journey that will ultimatley change his life. This "adventure" is called entering the Boy Scouts of America. The acclamied goal of this organization is to "mold" adolecent boys into outstanding community figures. It also allows for the chance to create entertaining hobbies for the boy to take on with him in life. These aspirations are crucial to the development of a human. Allowing a person to learn traits that will affect society is vital to the success of the targeted community. A scout learns how to be trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, curtious, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, clean, and reverant. These aspects along with the social evolution of a young boy into a man, i believe is the basis of the scouting program. If a boy fully understands the meaning of this program, he can develop into a type of person that society cherishes. However, this thought process is often overlooked in the program. Instead of focusing on learning valuable morals and ethics, the program pushes recieving awards. In most cases these awards are at the center of scouting activity. All participants strive to obatin the highest award. The eagle. This award is looked high upon in society and is often a benefit to have. My expierence with this award, however, have come to make me think differently. I have been working on my eagle for the past three months. Unfortunatley i procrastinated finishing my service project. When i completed the project, i wondered if i would have had more pleasure if i had completed it sooner. I am now a senior in highschool and had limited time to work on it, often i would stay up late trying to finish it. After my project was completed i felt proud of myself, but wanted to complete the rest of the award quickly. Unfortunatley, i was held back yet again. When i turned my application into the scouting council, i was rejected. Two of my pervious awards were not exactly four months apart. This caused my leaders, parents, and myself to painstakingly find the correct data. Luckily the correct data was found. Now i must face the "Council of Elrond" in a rigerous trial to test not my morals as a human, but my knot tying skills and if i can survive in the desert with only a toothbrush and a balloon! Has obtaining my eagle been a process of moral growth, or more of a race for correct dates and numbers? I believe that the scouting program needs to focus more on the ethical teachings of its program. I cherish the memories, adventures, moral lessons, and social aspects of the scouting program more than any of the awards or rank advancements i have recieved. When entering the real world will it benefit me to know how to socially interact or how to make a "monkey bridge?" To conclude, is the eagle award really a reflection of personal character? If i was a employer i would chosse someone who can socially interact, have fun, has a plesant nature, and a strong work ethic. What does having your eagle really mean? Someone can lie, cheat, steal, have a cruel attitude towards life, with no work ethic, and still be looked at because of the "eagle award." After going through the scouting program and recieving my eagle, I believe that the Boy Scouts of America could focus on more things that help prepare the scout for scoial aspects of life, rather then trying to recieve a badge and medallion.

Thanks!

--Max( sorry it is so long, but I was in the zone.)

Work Change

So today at work I was confronted by one of my past superviors, Melissa. I use to be part of her "team" (we are split up into teams and stay with the same people for a while) until I was moved over to Jess's where I became a "rover" A rover is someone who doesn't need to have things posted on their cube and doesn't have a desk due to the advanced knowledge the retain. Any way I have been roving for roughly six months now and am utterly tired of it. I want to decorate and have my own space again rather than dealing with others messy cube. Melissa expelled to me that I would be changing teams on Monday and would be back with her! I was (as Max would put it) ubber excited. Jess is a goof ball, I love her to death but sometimes I don't know if she understands the questions I ask. When I am at work, I like to just work. Melissa answers my questions so well and is understanding when situations come up. She is just one of those people I can talk to and confide in at work. It makes things run smoothly. So that should all occur as previously stated, Monday. In other news, I had a soccer game last night, lost but had a lot of fun. I have another tonight at eleven, which should call for an interesting game considering I am exhausted and hungry. Well till tomorrow!

--Sarah

High School...ONLINE!

Yo,

<--(Me after i had endured a session of EHS!)

So basically i would advise never to transfer schools. I did and my life fell into misery. When i went in for the routine meeting with my school counsler at my new highschool i found out i was a few credits short. This was annoying! Instead of being able to take some groovy classes my junior and senior year i have had to take classes that can be completed in a comatose state of mind. The worst of all of this is EHS or Electronic High School. This is a program that allows student who want to overachieve or catch up on credits (me) take certain classes online. I enrolled in Financial Literacy and Computer Tech. These classes were ridiculous. Unless you had a disease that forced you to buy foolish things and waste money Finacial Literacy was a common knowladge class. Computer Tech...was worse. One of my assignments for the day was send an email. You think that in this vast world of technology that they would think that the common highschool student can send an email. Well i guess that if i can manage a blog and have two email addresses, can edit movies on my computer, play uber cool games, create a powerpoint presentation, and turn the ruddy thing on that i would need a discourse on how to send an email. Well i have to actually go do some online high school... so i will leave and try not to slit my wrists as i learn the basics of how to use microsoft word.

Later!

Reproduction

Today in my ever monotonous Principles of Life Science class, we tactifully dove into the mitosis and meosis cell division process. Who knew monocots and dicots could be studied so in depth. Honestly, who cares that the monocotic corn kernal uses it's endosperm to survive?!?! I often wonder who was the ancient moron that decided to make the world ever so confusing for his future ancestors. He was living in a pure "Ingorence is Bliss" era where corn was a yellow edible veggie and not a diagram in my four pound book. Really, think about it. The days when the world was flat, and things were bought with sticks and stones. Wouldn't that make life ever so pleasant. No rediculous politics with menopausal women running the country and not having the world thrown into utter chaos over a black, think liquid. Maybe I will run for Pres....

--Sarah

Max's turn

Hello,

Well this is my first blog post and I am uber excited! I just got back from Disneyland! My band went there for a music thing and it was freaking amazing. However, i am back at school now....uhg. I have decided that high school is slowly giving me numerous health problems and will kill me shortly. Graduation is only in one month and i can't wait! Another horrible dilemma in my current existance on this planet is what to get for my birthday! I have utterly no idea. I have to figure this out quick or i am doomed! Well i have to go to school now so i will write again later!!

Peace out--Max

Closing the Semester

So sarah is pretty much finished with school now. Three weeks left and I don't know that I can survive much more of all this crap. Silly papers, random projects and finals is going to be one interesting week. At least the summer is approaching quickly. Oh and I am looking for a automobile that isn't going to die on me. The 20 year old Camry I am zooming around town in, is more of a hazard than safety mobile. And...that about it. This is the first official post of Smaxz...how lame can you get??? Until tomorrow!

--Sarah